Sperm Donor
Dear diary,
I will never be mad at him for what he did
Because if he didn’t do it I wouldn’t have lived.
There is a truly big difference between living and existing
And I refused to exist; I lived an am still living.
Not seeking
Therefore not finding
Not missing
Therefore not crying
Not needing
Therefore not dying
Just because he was not around
To him;
I made it from crawling to Tripping, buckling, and stumbling, eventually being able to walk
I made it from the mumbling and dribbling stage and eventually began to talk.
Even with the ability to speak I never once asked for you
And I never cared because I never knew.
One thing I appreciate is that I never had to.
Because I learnt things like how to tie my shoes
And my mother always ensured I was perfectly groomed...
Well most of the time…
But most of the time is better than none of the time
And 20 years of not knowing means you are no father of mine
And you can’t get to know me 20 years down the line
Because I have built my life on being nothing like your kind.
And especially after the fact that I was born and you didn’t stay
You showed me you were a man who couldn’t handle responsibility and therefore walked away.
But it’s okay
Because life goes on and I'm still here today
As a man who didn’t need you to teach him how to shave
Or how to make sure my “bits” were clean every time I bathed
But I managed and used you as a guide on ‘how not to behave’
It makes me laugh because girls always ask why I am the way I am
And it’s because the guide I received was handed to me by a woman
And
Not a man.
You see I would never cheat because there are enough men who can
And I would never make a woman feel pain due to my angry hands
And I would never have a baby boy without seeing him grow into a man
I would never be a man who uses abuses or mistreats a woman that loves me
Instead I would provide them with an unconditional love that they can smell, feel, touch, taste and see
And even that sixth sense, that gut feeling would tell them undoubtedly
That I am not the man the sperm donor could have made me.
Dear diary,
I will never be mad at him for what he did
Because if he didn’t do it I wouldn’t have lived.
There is a truly big difference between living and existing
And I refused to exist; I lived an am still living.
Not seeking
Therefore not finding
Not missing
Therefore not crying
Not needing
Therefore not dying
Just because he was not around
To him;
I made it from crawling to Tripping, buckling, and stumbling, eventually being able to walk
I made it from the mumbling and dribbling stage and eventually began to talk.
Even with the ability to speak I never once asked for you
And I never cared because I never knew.
One thing I appreciate is that I never had to.
Because I learnt things like how to tie my shoes
And my mother always ensured I was perfectly groomed...
Well most of the time…
But most of the time is better than none of the time
And 20 years of not knowing means you are no father of mine
And you can’t get to know me 20 years down the line
Because I have built my life on being nothing like your kind.
And especially after the fact that I was born and you didn’t stay
You showed me you were a man who couldn’t handle responsibility and therefore walked away.
But it’s okay
Because life goes on and I'm still here today
As a man who didn’t need you to teach him how to shave
Or how to make sure my “bits” were clean every time I bathed
But I managed and used you as a guide on ‘how not to behave’
It makes me laugh because girls always ask why I am the way I am
And it’s because the guide I received was handed to me by a woman
And
Not a man.
You see I would never cheat because there are enough men who can
And I would never make a woman feel pain due to my angry hands
And I would never have a baby boy without seeing him grow into a man
I would never be a man who uses abuses or mistreats a woman that loves me
Instead I would provide them with an unconditional love that they can smell, feel, touch, taste and see
And even that sixth sense, that gut feeling would tell them undoubtedly
That I am not the man the sperm donor could have made me.
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